Two things: First, why in the crap isn’t it Friday yet? Two, why couldn’t I have laid in my warm bed all day? Oh, that’s right...work. At least tomorrow is Friday...FINALLY. It has been a long week with lots of things that needed attention. It has also been a good week...I’ve had a good time with several of my friends and I will get to see them again tonight...and my parents...so the fun continues. I have also decided to plan out some writing times and get back in gear on this book of poems. Part of my little “lack of attention” problem I’ve been having while driving is that my mind is swimming in some sort of dream world. I can barely focus. I’ve got a million storylines and words and images up there right now and I think that is my sign that I need to get some of it out of my head. I realize how trippy that sounds...especially if you aren’t a writer...but imagine playing an instrument for over 5 or 10 years and then one day you just stop...surely there is a period of mourning and thoughts...that’s where I’m at. I need to get my priorities in order and finishing this book that I worked so hard on certainly needs to be one of them...so poets, parents and pals beware...there may be poems coming your way for review (hopefully with a better use of alliteration than this sentence).
I have decided that I have got to “get out there.” This is a phrase that I use often. My Dad tells me that I should get out there and I want to make that a goal of mine. Sometimes I feel stuck...in my writing “career”, spiritual and emotional life. Most of the time, I prefer to be alone. It makes me think a lot about the movie Up in the Air. Without spoiling it, I will just say that George Clooney’s character makes it a point to stress the lack of need of fulfillment from others. I love my friends and family and they are there when I need them but there are many times when I like to be at home...watch the Daily Show and go to bed. I reject affection a lot and I am constantly thinking that the person I’m hanging out with at the time probably has something better to do. Clearly, I have issues but I think my point is this...I or you can’t just sit around the house expecting the Nobel Prize for Literature and the left leaning, clean, Leonardo DiCaprio-looking husband to just fall in your lap. There is a moment in Up in the Air when the question is posed (this is a paraphrase), “Think of the best moments in your life, were you alone?” Ugh...you know what...I didn’t give this movie nearly enough credit because if I’m still thinking about it days later...it did something right. The question makes me sad. No. I can’t think of many AMAZING memories from being by myself.
I am making proactive movements to change things. I think that Weight Watchers is one of them. Only problem is...losing weight doesn’t appear to be the salvation for all my problems. Perhaps when I reach my final goal I will feel differently but I really don’t think so. There are other things that I need to be satisfied. I mean REALLY satisfied. If I wake up 20 years from now and I’m totally detached and haven’t made any movements towards my passions...that will be the worst day ever. It’s never too late to start your life...I believe that but since I’m so young...why not start now? Anyway, I hope dieting isn’t my only key to success...especially after the hours of 5-11pm last night where one couldn’t tell I was on any sort of diet.
Anyway-perhaps it’s time to take my GRANDMOTHER’s advice. She once told me I might check out e-Harmony. Um, well, I am a believer that there are people that can find wonderful, lasting relationships over the internet...I’ve seen it happen. I don’t think I’m quite there yet...especially since I haven’t really tried AND since I’m sort of picky AND since I tend to get hung up on one possibility at a time. I’ll get the hang of it.
While you wait for me get a hold of all of this (could be awhile)...you should go see (or read, I’d like to) “Up in the Air” at the movies...LOL. Don’t disregard it right away if you think it’s slow or not Oscar-worthy...I did the same thing but obviously I liked it more than I thought I did!
Have a great night!
“When The Road Gets Dark
And You Can No Longer See
Just Let My Love Throw A Spark
And Have A Little Faith In Me
And When The Tears You Cry
Are All You Can Believe
Give These Loving Arms A Try Baby
And Have A Little Faith In Me
Have A Little Faith In Me
Have A Little Faith In Me” Have a Little Faith In Me-Joe Cocker