Tuesday, September 8, 2009

Dieting Breaks The Bank

Today is back to the grind day. I am very happy about the short work week. I went to Target and managed to spend over $40. I spent over $60 at Wal-Mart on Sunday and over $100 maybe a week before that. I don’t know what happens. I go in with a list every single time.
I was going to talk about how to save money but the truth is I really don’t know. I am only one person so it doesn’t make sense to buy in bulk. If I buy produce it usually goes bad because I don’t want to eat the same thing every day and I find that in order to prevent a mold frenzy in my refrigerator, I feel like I have to eat the produce every day until it’s gone. The individual servings of things are by far my favorite but they are very expensive so I usually pay way too much. I bought these broccoli & cheese servings “for one” today. The name is kind of offensive. I don’t need my frozen vegetables to point out that I’m single. I am already WELL aware of that and sitting at home eating my frozen square of broccoli and cheese food product “for one” doesn’t make me feel any better. Anyway, I also try to buy generic brands of things if they taste the same. Overall, spending all this money is still less expensive than eating out every night…I guess. I don’t really want to add it all up in case that’s not the truth. As a side note, I bought this bread called “Sandwich Thins.” I’m sorry, I forgot the name brand but basically it can be used as a hamburger bun. They are whole wheat and are really thin. I also bought hamburger patties that are already cooked so I can have cheeseburgers this week. The burgers are in the shape of Mickey Mouse’s head which probably means they are highly processed but so are the ones at McDonald’s so I thought I would give them a chance. I haven’t reached a plateau YET but for some reason, I feel like it’s coming. I haven’t NOT lost weight one week yet, so it is only a matter of time before they crush my dreams and say in a whisper “OK, you are up 1.3 this week and that is JUST FINE.” Anytime I don’t exercise as hard or I sneak a bite of someone’s dinner I throw my hands in the air and say to myself, “Well, that’s just great Fatty McFatterson…do you WANT to gain weight…HUH? Do you?!” I didn’t say I was logical about it.
A few months ago (and I feel like this is a pretty big confession), I purchased something called Flirty Girl Fitness. It’s DVD’s that do chair and pole dancing as well as “sexy dances.” I ordered the cheapest one skipping a stripper pole and feather boa that I figured I could do without. I received the 2 intro DVD’s and of course they lay unopened. The other day I received a very heavy package on my door step and I discovered two heavy, pink balls inside. Immediately I knew I must have missed some fine print and was signed up for some sort of reoccurring package/charge thing. So, I called them “Press 1 for all Flirty Girl Pole Questions and Press 2 for ALL other Flirty Girl Inquiries.” I imagine that there are multiple accidents with the poles. I for one knew that if I got one, I would end up with a cracked skull, sprawled in my “work-out” clothes with a pole on top of me and that there would be a picture of that image in the paper. Anyway, now I have to pay to send the stupid thing back but I included a stern letter demanding they not charge me anymore. That is your warning about Flirty Girl Fitness, that and if it sits there on your bedroom floor, you will in fact NOT lose 20 inches in 10 days. Whatever.


  1. LOL...this was hilarious! But, Fatty McFatterson?...NO MA'AM! :) Also, I can't wait to watch you do this Flirty Girl fitness stuff...it's going to be fun...I can just feel it!

  2. Heather,

    You are absolutely hilarious and I love it! If you ever want any pointers on how to save your dollars, ask me for advice...I have been called everything from smart to thrifty to plain old 'miserly'. At this point I'm not really sure if the people who used those adjectives to describe my shopping habits were trying to compliment me or insult me...I am beginning to think it is the latter...


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